Broken Households

Hmmm… tough issue we have before us. What once used to be so rare, has become the new normal for parenting. Everyone knows the divorce rate has skyrocketed within the past couple decades or so, and most children are now between homes and families, going back and forth every week, or every other weekend, whatever the situation may be. The part that I dislike the most is the effect it has on YOUR children, your blood, the people you hold ever so dear to you. Do you know how this effects them? Raised up in a broken home myself, and now having to watch my daughter go through the same pain, here’s a few things I have learned on this subject:

1. DO NOT by ever any means make it about you and your ex; instead make sure the schedule you have is best for YOUR CHILD. There is no need for competition or selfishness between the parents. You are not supposed to be rivals, so find a way that is comfortable for all in the transitioning of your children, but most importantly try your best to encourage this transition by being role models of positive co-parenting.

2. DO have a schedule that you stick to. Kids are suckers for routine, and it tends to help their transition once they know their schedule and grow accustomed to it. Obviously I know life isn’t a fairy tale and things happen, but try to adhere to the same type of schedule so your child can therefore know what is coming.

3. DO NOT question your child about the other parent. This only causes added stressors to the already stress of normal childhood. Make them safe enough to tell you anything that is going on of course, but do not nag them about it. It is not fair for a child to feel pressured into telling you something, this process is already hard enough on them, don’t make it harder than it has to be. Instead just encourage open communication and always have open arms for them to run to when that times comes.

4. DO love them with all of you heart and show up for them always. Some parents think that it might feel weird seeing their ex at a soccer game, or school functions, but it’s not about the uncomfortableness you have toward your ex, but instead about how your child would feel if you weren’t there to cheer them on in whatever they do. It’s important not only to have both parents there and feeling wanted by them, but it also strengthens the bond you make between parent and child. A child will always notice who is and who is not there for them, so make time to show up!

From the all the uncertainties that life brings, if you make that choice to have a child with someone else and you don’t end up being their forever person, remember that you still are responsible for the life you helped to create. Work it out for you child and for your own sake too. It will be worth the bond you will always have, just have to work at it and not give up.

Vacation at its Finest

Vacations are always a must for us humans. No matter the person, we all need a break from reality, life, a time and place to escape. Vacation doesn’t always have to be a huge family ordeal, it can be just taking a week off for you, doing whatever you please and love. Here’s what I have learned from travels I personally have been on :

1. Travel Somewhere NEW! Life is too short to travel to the same place time and time again to only feel like it’s a repeat of the vacation before.

2. Go somewhere and EXPLORE! Even if you are exhausted, try to take time to explore the area around you, even if it’s for a short bit of time. Trust me, it is well worth it looking back. You never want to leave vacation feeling like there’s so much you missed out on.

3.  Book EARLY. This is important especially for the big, popular activities. There have been countless times we have wanted to go something, just to find out it was booked solid. Yes it’s awesome to be spontaneous, but sometimes it’s better to plan ahead.

4. Try to get a good look at the LOCAL culture. This includes food, small bars, quaint art, etc. There will always be tourist things to do anywhere you go, but try to be a local for the day. It’s fun to get down to the nitty-gritty spots that tourists don’t even dare to go. This will set you apart from the norm for sure.

5.  Take pictures, but don’t forget to ENGAGE! Trust me, I know it’s awesome to want to document all the places you go and see, but remember to put the phone down for awhile and just take in the fresh air. Make the experience a memorable one by going without a screen in front of your face the whole time.

The list can go on for miles, but these are the things I have found most important to me.

Mornings, The Struggle is Real!

It’s that time of year again.. new schools, new teachers and new faces. Where did the summer go? Long nights, road trips and staying up way too late are always the best past time. Oh man, do I already miss sleeping in just past 8am to get up in time for work and not having to wake up cranky little toots before the sun rises. With a new school year at hand, new transitions have to be made through trial and error, consistency and perseverance. Remember parents you’re not in this alone, we are all struggling together. My house already has two weeks of school under their belt and I’ve learned some things along the way. Below are some tips that have been tested and approved by my child. Feel free to use them at your own discretion.

• Pick out an outfit the night before school
• Make a bedtime routine; this will prepare your children for bedtime
• Set a bedtime and stick to it every night; they need their sleep to be fully functional for the next day
• Make sure to always get up earlier than expected in preparation for morning malfunctions
• Choose a happy method in getting your children awake, i.e tickling
• Give your child a job in the morning; they want to feel important
• Try to be calm, diligent, and patient with your children in the morning; you are setting the tone for the rest of their day
• If they’re having a rough morning, make a point to hug them and let them know that you understand that mornings are hard but that you can get through them together
• If your child is a slow eater (like mine), grab something quick and easy to eat on the way to school
• Make a playlist for the ride to school; gives them something to look forward too
• Always tell your child you love them before you drop them off
• Keep a positive attitude about school, if you’re excited for them then it betters the chances of them feeling the same
• Always make a point to ask about their day when you pick them up; if you don’t start now, don’t expect it to happen as they get older

These rules aren’t scientifically proven, but instead just from a mom who isn’t a morning person herself. The advice above might not be 100% bullet proof, but they sure have helped in taming what I call “the morning beast.”

Comment below some of your favorite mornings tips. I’d love to hear them!

I’m Strong on the Surface, Not All the Way Through

Single motherhood… who can relate? From a personal standpoint and someone who has experienced going through the motions relentlessly for the past five years, everyday life and especially the dating ring, can be such a harsh, unforgiving territory of sorts. Who can vouch?

As a person who grew up easily adaptable and optimistic for those I surrounded myself with, my sense of caring for others were overwhelmingly being taken advantage of and underappreciated to the extent where presently I find myself switching to selfishness in vain, always looking over my shoulder in defense.

In trying to learn my lesson over time, my “red flag” radar is always at maximum capacity in aspiring new friendships and relationships. Because I have ultimately been blinded by love and my forgiving nature in the past, sub-consequently my barriers have now reached their highest peak. Ironically, I still managed to find myself in the same repeating toxic situations of heartbreak and being used.

Being a slightly overemotional human being, I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve, which has proved to be a blessing/curse battle time and time again. My highs match the lows, and my passion seems to be a rather bit extreme for most. Pouring my blood, sweat, and tears to give everything in me towards what matters most, I never weigh the consequences of my actions beforehand, even if it alternatively affects those I love in a negative manner.

Also, a person with already preconceived trust issues from my childhood and beyond, single motherhood only has added more pressure to my past and present relationships across the border. Here I was just believing that it was hard enough making a relationship work period, before all the other current added stressors. Sometimes I end up losing faith in my abilities in trying to balance it all. Between my daughter, work, friends and family, and then my significant other, my mind never can find the “right” moment to stop and take a breather to cry, to let it all go.

Most days I feel so worn thin; I am highly fearful of this lingering notation and mindset invading my thoughts, where responsibility of everyone else’s happiness and fate is inevitably resting on my shoulders, slipping through my fingertips. Just as I try so damn hard to please someone, it inadvertently tears another one down. Eventually this repetitive pattern will wear down to my core, my soul, my heart and take everything I am away for good.

My eyes and ears are always on the lookout for the next problem to fix, where I’m expected to come in and be the superhero who saves the day and vanquishes the pain. Their pain becomes my pain and over time, it only has become a tougher role to play, losing small pieces of who I am along the way.

My nights are spent worrying about the struggles ahead; what I’ve done and will do wrong, how I will be able to make peace, all whilst I am dying on the inside with all of the extra added weight. These questions surround and control my every step and decision. Somehow there’s always something  that I’ve done that proves to be unsatisfactory towards the people that mean the most to me. It’s as if my thoughtful actions never deem to be worthy of appreciation, acceptance, or success.

As I struggle with this unsettling anxiety within me, I’m always left wondering will it ever be my chance to have a knight in shining armor to come rescue me? In all honestly, I am in dire need of that moment of freedom before life begins to tear me apart at the seams. Life was not meant to be conquered alone.

“There’s something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
Consuming, confusing
This lack of self control I fear is never ending
Controlling
I can’t seem
To find myself again
My walls are closing in
(Without a sense of confidence I’m convinced
That there’s just too much pressure to take)
I’ve felt this way before
So insecure”

–Crawling, Linkin Park

A Challenge to the Crippled World…

Whether conceiving your child was planned or by accident, once born, their soul is created, soon to embark on a journey that they have no choice in being a part of. Imagine how unfair this is… you think a child chooses to be born into poverty, abuse, illness, homelessness, addicted to drugs, etc?

Once out of the womb, imagine what this new life is like for the infant, curious about this confusing environment around him/her. How do you think they learn where to begin exploring with all this curiosity sitting in their brain. Parents need to be reminded that it begins and ends with them. A child does not learn how to be hateful, angry, bitter, or even happy without first experiencing that emotion from another human being. Children tend to feed off the people that around the child the most, whomever it may be, family member or not. It becomes a part of them, soon to tangle into their personality. So I challenge guardians this: take a good look in the mirror because more than likely, the type of person that you are will carry into your own child. Only you can decide is that is a good or bad thing parents…

What do you as a parent/step-parent/guardian/foster parent what that child to remember from their upbringing? What words of encouragement do they deserve to hear? Think of the nourishment, care, and love that you might have or have not received in your own childhood. You owe it to your child to be the light that shines through the darkness of that hard path we call life.

Our children’s inner voice come from the guardians who raise them, the voices from which they hear everyday, leading by example. We have two choices in the matter, whether to guide and raise them towards a light or dark path. It alone starts with us. Being a parent isn’t something that you are just born into, it is a CHOICE. It is up to us to build that solid foundation of which they will grasp upon through childhood, adolescence and then onto into adulthood. Be the change you want to see in the world.

Abuse Doesn’t Define You

“Childhood should be carefree, playing in the sun; not living a nightmare in the darkness of the soul.”

-Dave Pelter

MY STORY

Born in 1992, I was a bleach blonde, blue-eyed baby girl, who had no idea what the world would offer up to her in the future. Living five years under an abusive household, the outside world was my only friend, my escape from living within a terrible nightmare at home. My biological father was a smoking, drunken terror, either taking his frustration out on my older sister, my mother, or myself. He tried to make us believe we were ugly, worthless, and would become nothing later in life. Gaining new bruises on the daily, I now live with the memories sparking up around any violence in this world, feeling others’ pain through my own. My mother was the absolute best, protecting us as much as she could, taking more abuse so we could hide and escape ours, tending to our wounds to ease the pain.

Despite all the wonderful things she did, the one thing that my mother failed to do was find us an escape route from the situation. Trying to hide our abuse from the rest of the world, and mainly DHS, people could see right through our ploy, even explaining to her that we were more transparent than we thought. Even if my mother wanted to leave, he threatened our lives, my grandparent’s lives, and so forth. However, we ended up being lucky, because he gave us the greatest gift by finally leaving my mother for another woman, to which she then picked up the pieces he left behind.

I remember that night fondly, his drunken self beating the walls with his bat, throwing breakables at my mother while my sister and I tried to intervene, all while which he was cursing at us. But then, he finally packed a bag and left, never to be heard from again until my parents proceeded to court for custody hearings. To our demise, he was granted visitation rights, in which we suffered continuous abuse for another year or so, to which he then failed to pay child support and ended up dismissing his parental rights entirely.

Our story ended with us being survivors, but could’ve ended much differently as some stories you hear now in the newspapers and TV news stations. Sadly, my mother blames herself for the abuse, and for never putting us through counseling. I cannot tell the tale of how this affected my sister or mother, but I can relay how this tragedy played a part in my life, on both sides of the spectrum.

Not only did I let this bring my down confidence levels in the upbringing years, but it also gave me an idea of how I should be loved, with abuse. I can’t explain all the terror or mishaps growing up like this brought me (because we’d be here all day), but I can share some bad paths it has taken me through the years. Not only did I not know how to love myself, I tried to find love through men who were abusive or unfaithful, settling with the fact that I had to accept that’s how men in this generation are.

After so many failed relationships, my faith in men dwindled, turning me into an independent woman who decided to find a way to fulfill my own needs without a man around. This turning point came after I ended up having a child with a man who certainly wasn’t my prince, although he appeared to be in the beginning. After several failed attempts to make it work for the sake of our child and different types of abusive slurs, I then came a conclusion. It is my job and choice of whether our daughter will have a different childhood, and then promised myself to help her to never endure such abuse by anyone, man or woman.

I intended to cherish her to the fullest because she deserves a nurturing life in which I’d try to protect her against negative entity coming her way. I wanted my daughter to have good memories, instead of growing up feeling worthless and alone. I’m no perfect mother, but I work damn hard everyday to show her how loved, beautiful, and talented she is and will continue to be along the way. I never go one day without telling her how proud I am of her, squeezing her to bits, or explaining to her that she is my world.

My point is this: we don’t have to let the abuse define who we are, unless we choose to. In my case, I found my shining light from which I turned my self-pity days to reaching for the sky for not only my daughter, but for myself too. Yes it was a long and hard journey that included nights of crying, struggling to see the positive side of being a single mother, but instead of letting it make me bitter and just give up, I used the hardships to motivate me to push for the best life possible to help prove to myself and others that it can be done.

No matter what obstacle in life you encounter, just know there is always a way out and through it, you just have to search for the positive side of things. Never give up, but instead let the abuse shape you into a stronger individual. I can’t speak for others, but I certainly will put my efforts towards advocating for justice against abusers, and/or to possibly bring hope for the ones lost by their own challenges from abuse.

Hoping this message has helped at least one person suffering/previously suffered from abuse, just remember that you are stronger than you give yourself credit for just don’t give up on life or yourself!

Heartbreak of Goodbyes

Anyone with a heart, with a family, has experienced loss. No one escapes unscathed. Every story of separation is different, but I think we all understand that basic, wrenching emotion that comes with saying goodbye, not knowing if we’ll see that person again – or perhaps knowing that we won’t.

  -Luanne Rice

Goodbyes… Even if it’s for the long haul or in the short comings, knowing from personal experience, it deems to be one of the harshest realities to deal with in life. Whether it’s between friends, family, or in significant other relationships, it never makes it easier. Coping in all different ways, some hold on longer than we should, or maybe on the other extreme we turn around numbing ourselves to their pure existence in the first place.

Over the past few months, I myself have been experiencing these tragic emotions of loss between friends, family, and past lovers. Although there is no best way to cope in these moments, I open my life up to more distractions to erase the pain, even if only for a short while. In this post not only will I leave myself open to vulnerability, but will reveal my process in harboring these times of sorrow.

First off, might I add that each situation is and always be different, and no given time span will help in easing the hurt. We all have our own way of saving ourselves from the memories, not to mention the reasons and events why these “fair wells” occurred in the first place. I am no professional, just someone who has deep insight on the subject and these are my tales.

DEATH

For the most part, families part ways in two different instances; death and conflict. I have only been to a number of funerals, all of which were family members whom I wasn’t that close with, but recently death seems all that much closer for all of us the older we get. We look into the past and try to hold onto the memories that seemed like yesterday. Death is unpredictable, unseen, and in my opinion, one of the worst kinds of pain, knowing that you will never encounter their face again in this lifetime. Depending how you cope, you might try to find the blessings or impact the death might make toward others, or try to distance yourself from it all together. Either way, the pain stays near your heart, whether recognizable or not.

In one instance, death could separate family. For anyone who knows me, they know that I hold family dear to my heart, especially my grandparents. Some might say they’re my hero, knowing I could always count on them in the good or bad times in life. No I might not tell them every gruesome detail, but I certainly confide in them, for they don’t judge my life’s mistakes or hiccups, but instead encourage me to do better, always reminding me of how proud I make them. When you have this kind of family just down the road for your entire life, you create a unique bond in which cannot be replaced or ever forced out.

However, over the past few years my grandma’s health has slowly been deteriorating and the doctors say she’s unlikely to make it through the end of this year. She’s taken on various cancers and had multiple strokes, now leading to brain damage. With these complications, we can’t carry on conversations quite like we used to, although I still visit her on a routine basis. Although I will always keep my hopes high in this matter, it pains me knowing my visits could be the last one. That being said, I try to make them worthwhile, always bringing my daughter along so they can be bonded too, if only for a short while.

I’m not sure how I will deal with it when the time comes, but I know that it will heart wrenching and harder than I can ever imagine. I want everyone to know that this life is hard and sometimes unfair, but that also there is hope for your future and helping hands around you. Don’t ever be scared of feeling or letting your emotions show; I try to toughen my shell with every obstacle but sometimes I need a good cry, and I want people to know that it’s okay to open your heart and let the hurt out. My ultimate wish is that I can move forward trying to make my grandparents prouder than ever whether they’re here or not, because I know it’s what they want for me.

CONFLICT

We in today’s world know this concept all too well, and it’s a big reason for individuals saying sayonara to one another. Being people with all different personalities, at some point one typically finds conflict with someone close to them or heck, even a stranger. It’s not the conflict itself that has become the problem in society, it’s how disputes are being dealt with. A pure example in our country right now is in Charlottesville, VA; the problem people have with the monuments issue has become extremely terrifying and turned racial, only segregating our country more from its seams.

This is not a political blog, so I won’t get into my thoughts and opinions on said subject, but any type of conflict can spiral out of control between us if we can’t keep our heads on straight. I being a strong-minded woman myself, is something I could most certainly can work on too. Conflict can soon drive wedges between your precious loved ones, currently in my life might I add. With that statement, if said people would’ve handled things more delicately the consequences might not have turned out as scorched.

First off, whenever you encounter conflict between one another, first step back and take a breather to analyze what the true issue is. Then maybe take some time apart instead of being rash with harsh words and actions. During that time apart, consider the other person’s mindset and views, comparing them to your own. Once both parties are calm, come back together and discuss diligently problems and make some resolutions together to solve such issues. Of course, no one is perfect and things can’t always happen this efficient and effectively, but its worth a shot to try right?

In my given experience, bad conflict can lead to wrecking damage, leaving many burned bridges and scars that we don’t want to face. However if you try to change methods of dealing with conflict when it appears, maybe you can avoid such tragedies between friends and family.

DISTANCE

These goodbyes could happen to the best of us referring to distance, only because each one of us get warped into our own life cycle making it hard to stay in tune with the life we left behind. This has happened various times over the course of my life, usually when I start a new chapter.

The first remembrance of such a time was when I began my first job the summer before my senior year, the time when I was preparing for college. Trying to focus on my future, I started to become more busy with schools, applications, and work. Therefore, I became distant from my friends and family to focus on my own needs. This then happened again as I started college, then transferring colleges after my freshman year. It was a rough transition in the beginning, trying to branch out all over again, while still trying to maintain contact with the friends halfway across the state.

Silent goodbyes usually happen during these times, even if there not meant to. I tried to stay positive while moving forward trying to find my way in this crazy world. Luckily during these trying times, we bounce back through new friends and experiences. The good thing about distance between people is 1) if pure friendship was once there, you’ll surely find your way back if effort is put into such things and 2) change can help you find who you really are or what you wish to become, leading to the things you distanced yourself from being what’s best for you. Obviously, I’m not saying that these things are definite, I am just applying my knowledge linked with my own personal experiences.

The second major time distance has happened in my life is through becoming a mother. During this time, you see who you’re true friends and family are; most show their true colors and leave when your lifestyle changes. However this could be a blessing in disguise because if they don’t stick around, they’re not only missing out watching you at your best, but they probably weren’t that great of a friend to begin with. Needless to say you want the ones who stick around to be part of your new livelihood forever and foremost, just remember that it’s okay to make time for them too in return.

Distance can be a rough patch and it’s always okay to look back, just keep in mind that looking forward doesn’t hurt as bad as you might think.

Furthermore, I can attest to all such pillars previously spoken of. Just remember that we all have our own demons and obstacles that we’re trying to face and overcome in the ways that we know how. Everyone has their own perspectives based on personal testimonies, just try not to judge people until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes.

Me, Myself, & I

There are plenty belief systems out there for people in which one can base their lives off of;  mine, however is simply this… I love me, myself, and I. I understand how that may come off quite shallow, or selfish to most, but let me put that phrase into perspective for y’all. Who can ever put you truly first but you? How else will you excel at your job, look your best, push yourself to workout, or even wake in the morning? Don’t expect someone else to do the dirty laundry for you honey, it all starts with numero uno. Until you learn how to love and care for yourself first, you’ll never truly excel and reach your full potential.

Some people, however, get caught in this crazy worldwind fantasy world in which they think they find someone worth changing for. Don’t get me wrong, there are people who can bring out the best in you but ultimately you have to make changes for yourself, not them.Think of it like this: what were you like before they existed, what happens after they disappear? If the change disappears too along with them, then that change wasn’t even real and that makes it for the wrong reasons.

Others also get caught in this notion that they always need someone and become dependent on their support system. Ding ding ding, another red flag. You will never truly be happy together if you don’t know how it feels to be happy apart and alone. Try to gain some independence and discover who you are with no distractions. Some people mold into a couple before realizing who they really are themselves and that’s why they feel so lost when they’re on their own again. I just feel people, not all, but plenty, have been taking the wrong approach to living, life, and love. We’re all entitled to our own opinions yes… so here are my tips to help loving yourself first, before you can show it to others:

1. Find YOU- Take a journey of self-discovery, however you might deem necessary. Find out what you truly need and want for yourself, not to mention your likes and dislikes, if not already known. Search deep within so you can fully grasp who you are on more than just a superficial level, but rather an emotional  or spiritual one as well. One needs to first be comfortable in their own skin before they can truly be comfortable in the world themselves.
2. Make Time for Yourself–  With peoples’ schedules being as busy as they are,make time doing things that you love for just YOU! Whether it be bike riding, swimming, origami, painting, dancing, etc, don’t ever let the world pass you by just because you have other responsibilities.
3.  Learn to be Confident- If you are not confident already, find a way to be. Don’t let someone else be that confidence factor for you though, but instead relinquish your insecurities and face them head on. Find a way to conquer them by doing whatever it takes to bring peace to your heart and keep it up. Believe in yourself and then others will too.
4. Be Strong– The world brings trouble, pain, and heartache sometimes. Sometimes we try to pick up the pieces by getting lost in depression, drugs, or even people. We have to do our best to push through, and to instead gain strength through it all. Remind ourselves who we are, what we strive for, and who we believe we are meant to be.
5. Know Your Worth- Don’t let your past labels define you, but instead be a motivational factor to go against the grain. Whether people are trying to bring you down or whatever it may be, make sure you cut off the negative vibes and relationships pulling you under so you can fully understand how truly extraordinary  you are. Surround yourself with positive influences who uplift you in the best way possible, but more importantly you need to feel it in your heart how worthy you are of being someone great.  
6. Bring Your ALL Everyday- Yes, this one is the hardest I’m sure because we will all have our rough days, but it still speaks big truth. Before you can show the world your truest self, you have to love YOU first. You are the biggest first impression anyone first sees in a first encounter so trust me when I say, the way you look, the way you act, the way you talk, it all comes off in a manner of speaking of how well you love and care for yourself. Now would you rather have positive or negative feedback? I’ll leave that answer up for grabs.

*Don’t forget to be you, do you, love you, and bring it all day, everyday!

 

Carpe Diem

“If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always gotten”

comfort zone-  place or situation where one feels safe or at ease and without stress

I have one question I want you to ask yourself, to truly ask yourself… are you happy with where you are in life, with who you are in life, and if continue down this path, where do you see yourself in 3-5 years? Okay, so maybe that was more than one question, but still the same mindset or category of questions; I’m just trying to open your mind a little past your scheme of comfort zone level. I like to push people towards their potential, inspire greatness, and I’m not only here for encouragement but also to motivate individuals to break past boundaries into the darkness, where blind faith make take hold of them.

Humor me for a second, and let’s imagine that you were not reading this thinking that you had your life together, well what do you intend to do about it miss or mister? Here’s an idea. Take a chance on whatever may be holding you back, and step out of that level of comfort. No instead, run and jump out as far as you can, because it’s only creating a barrier between you and your ultimate happiness in life. The longer you let that negativity linger around your life, the deeper hole you fall into; the sad part is most of us don’t even know that it is happening due to it’s slow progression. However, 20 years later when you wake up and take a look around at what life has become and wonder why you’re so bitter, it’ll start to become clear how you fell short to seize the day when you had the chance.

My advice is to start right here, right now, and stop making excuses for yourself. Reach for a new path, new beginning, start fresh where anything is possible. Am i saying to hand over and quit all your responsibilities already set out in front of you? Why of course not, but I believe in always stretching beyond your means, reaching and grabbing a little more than you thought you could handle.

Whatever the reason that was keeping you from pursing your passions, whether it be past failures, too much time away from your kids and spouse, your current career, or even fear of doing it alone, I’m gonna say three words that might sound harsh but needs to heard… GET OVER IT! You have your own desires that need to be fulfilled too because you matter, and sometimes you get to be selfish. I’m a single mother, so I understand putting my daughter’s needs first and foremost, but I also want my child to be proud of who I am in society because at the end of the day, I want to identify as more than just a mother.

Let your fear slip away by being open-minded. Thoughts can consume you and sweep you away in self-doubt, so break free from your own head and element. Venture into a new space that you would never see yourself before; let it take you on  a journey into the unknown. While the days aren’t getting longer, you’re not gaining any new youth either; stop letting the days pass you by where you keep going through the motions, but instead make each day worth living and meaningful where your working towards something, whatever that may be for you.

Breathe in, breathe out. Put one foot in front of the other. Understand that this will be no rapid movement of success, but a slow progression into a true vision of showing your true capabilities. Look into the future, what do you see? I see unlimited potential in the road that’s waiting to be grabbed by the hair. Don’t settle for average, instead reach for the sky knowing that hitting roadblocks is a normal part of the process to the bigger success to come. Make short and long-term goals for yourself that you know and understand in your heart to be true for what you truly want from this new experience. Then go all in so it can truly be worth it and bring satisfaction to your life.

Furthermore, know that you’re not in this alone; you have a support system whether you believe it or not, you just have to find it. Take a look around…at your friends, family, children, spouse, co-workers, etc. Who are the people that have your back, mean the most, and will always be there for you supporting you every step of the way? There’s your support system right there. They are important to share this journey with you because this isn’t supposed to be some struggle, it’s about finding your joy in life and seeing where it can take you, or how it can shape you into a better person by bringing out the light in you that has been missing so go share that with the best people in your world.

Confidence is a key factor in this ongoing change about to rock your world. Just as much as your support system believes in you, this change in your life will never work until you believe in yourself first. During the twists and turns to come, I suggest starting your days with a simple motivational booster, however you decide in doing such a thing. It could be through encouragement speeches through a mirror, listening to upbeat music, even reading the Bible, just try something. Knowing you got through the hardest days will helps finally give you hope that you can conquer it all, and I promise it literally can all start with a positive attitude and smile sometimes.

Who says something is impossible? Only you have that power to accept that belief system until you break that inner wall down; then no words, event, no situation will stop you from flying high to the mountain top. It starts with dealing with your own insecurities,  vulnerabilities, and fears that need to be shaken down to the core. One needs to be broken down before being put back together, so always take time to fall apart to get to discover to real honest you. That way your talents can shine bright like the star you are. You only have only life, so go be selfish, feed your hearts desire, and go take a chance on YOU!

Here’s a song my daughter and I love called “Try Everything” from Zootopia. Yes a kids movie, but they are so inspiring.

Living the Dream?

pursuit – The action of following or pursuing someone or something.

Why do people start writing poetry, become a journalist, or even start a blog? I’m not the person to answer those questions for other individuals, but maybe I can shed some insight to those who are curious about why I wanted to pursue this interest.

For starters, back far as I can remember, I have always loved to write, whether it be short stories, research papers, or poetry even. It begins with an inspiring concept that peeks out from my soul; all one has to do from there is put a pen in my hand, or in this case, a laptop in front of my eyes, and then there’s no stopping me. My passions aspire from various subjects about love and music, to child abuse and sex trafficking even.

Now some say I’m hard to handle, complex, and very complicated, but truly I’m just downright driven to give my utmost best I can everyday. I follow the wind, my heart, and I let fear lead me down my next challenging path in life. To most that seems utterly ridiculous, but my free spirit knocks away all logical thinking; instead, it brings me down a cultured path of exciting new adventures in which would’ve never been exposed had I not chosen the rocky road.