Hmmm… tough issue we have before us. What once used to be so rare, has become the new normal for parenting. Everyone knows the divorce rate has skyrocketed within the past couple decades or so, and most children are now between homes and families, going back and forth every week, or every other weekend, whatever the situation may be. The part that I dislike the most is the effect it has on YOUR children, your blood, the people you hold ever so dear to you. Do you know how this effects them? Raised up in a broken home myself, and now having to watch my daughter go through the same pain, here’s a few things I have learned on this subject:
1. DO NOT by ever any means make it about you and your ex; instead make sure the schedule you have is best for YOUR CHILD. There is no need for competition or selfishness between the parents. You are not supposed to be rivals, so find a way that is comfortable for all in the transitioning of your children, but most importantly try your best to encourage this transition by being role models of positive co-parenting.
2. DO have a schedule that you stick to. Kids are suckers for routine, and it tends to help their transition once they know their schedule and grow accustomed to it. Obviously I know life isn’t a fairy tale and things happen, but try to adhere to the same type of schedule so your child can therefore know what is coming.
3. DO NOT question your child about the other parent. This only causes added stressors to the already stress of normal childhood. Make them safe enough to tell you anything that is going on of course, but do not nag them about it. It is not fair for a child to feel pressured into telling you something, this process is already hard enough on them, don’t make it harder than it has to be. Instead just encourage open communication and always have open arms for them to run to when that times comes.
4. DO love them with all of you heart and show up for them always. Some parents think that it might feel weird seeing their ex at a soccer game, or school functions, but it’s not about the uncomfortableness you have toward your ex, but instead about how your child would feel if you weren’t there to cheer them on in whatever they do. It’s important not only to have both parents there and feeling wanted by them, but it also strengthens the bond you make between parent and child. A child will always notice who is and who is not there for them, so make time to show up!
From the all the uncertainties that life brings, if you make that choice to have a child with someone else and you don’t end up being their forever person, remember that you still are responsible for the life you helped to create. Work it out for you child and for your own sake too. It will be worth the bond you will always have, just have to work at it and not give up.
Pursuit of Happiness 